Danny O’Hara and Pat McDavitt are ageing Celtic supporters who have seen it all: from the supreme highs of the 1960s to the PTSD-inducing 1990s, from Jungle drums to doldrums and back again. These two Glaswegians are old enough to remember Martin O’Neill’s playing days as they’ve clocked up the same number of years as the Celtic manager, although their memories aren’t functioning as well as they used to. Other things are starting to fail also, fuelling the frustration and envy they direct towards the younger generation of Celtic fans who they look down on as noisy, attention-seeking, never-had-it-so-lucky, spoilt wee bastards. I mean, they didn’t have to wade through rivers of pish at Celtic Park with only macaroon bars for sustenance, did they? And don’t get me started on Wayne Biggins. Welcome to the modern phenomenon that is the ‘Celtic Da.’
This new play written by Phil Differ premiered at the Glasgow International Comedy Festival in March, is touring over the next few months across Scotland and I took in the show at East Kilbride’s Village Theatre. Celtic fan Differ is no stranger and the wonderfully coarse humour that laces the play is very familiar, coming as it does from the principal writer of the TV show Only an Excuse over three decades. As a writer and producer of some renown with the BBC and then The Comedy Unit, he was heavily involved in Scotch and Wry, Naked Video, Rab C. Nesbitt, Chewin’ the Fat and Still Game. He may not, like most Scotsmen, know where the g-spot is but he throws the word ‘fanny’ around with abandon and can definitely tickle your funny bone. I guarantee you won’t see another play anywhere this year which includes the memorable line of ‘arse like a space-hopper.’
Differ has noticed an increasing divide in the Celtic support and the offence taken at the derisory label of ‘Celtic Da’ by the white-headed denizens of the Main Stand and elsewhere. The stereotypically elder Celts in the show are played by two well-known faces of Scottish comedy: Raymond Mearns and Bruce Morton. I’ve been lucky to see Raymond’s stand-up show a few times down the years and he’s a force of nature, squeezing laughs out of every conceivable situation. Bruce burst onto the UK comedy scene in the late ‘80s and soon had a Channel 4 show before shunning the limelight for long periods to focus on writing and directing, although a memorable performance as the creepy undertaker on Still Game introduced him to an entire new audience.
They are both Glaswegians but very different types and it was a masterstroke casting them together as, using their stage experience and comic timing to great effect, they bounce off each other brilliantly. They are comfortable introducing ad-libs here and there for the particular benefit of local audiences which go down well. The play itself has also been written in a way that allows for subtle chances to be made to keep track of the incredible ups-and-downs of this rollercoaster of a season, making the jokes very current. It also expertly highlights the pet peeves and fixations of the ordinary fan: Ian Crocker’s increasingly obvious leanings to the dark side of Scottish football (and man-love for an on-loan Ranger in particular) being one observation that was well received.
Differ’s writing superbly captures the madness and contradictions of the football fan and puts these in a specifically Scottish and Celtic context. Much has changed in the way we support Celtic over recent years and the play is a great illustration of the different experiences that people have following the club whether at the game, at home, in the pub among friends or even online (the potential hazards of which are mined here for comedy gold). It was legendary manager Willie Maley who wrote that ‘My love for Celtic has been a craze, without it my life would be empty indeed’ and it is this craze which makes us irrational and defensive and angry at times, often with each other, but is also a fundamental part of our characters. This Celtic craze is one of the most important passions in our lives and this play charts the choppy waters we can find ourselves in when life takes sudden, unexpected turns. There are some poignant moments as Danny and Pat try to come to terms with these changes in their own, inimitably Glaswegian ways, but the humour persists throughout. The ability to laugh at ourselves and our daft obsessions is a gift worth preserving.
Few people capture the warmth, humour and patter of the people of Glasgow in the current era as well as Phil Differ, from the gallus to the girners. He has done his fellow Celtic fans a great service with this hilarious and uplifting tale of two Tims who trace their friendship all the way back to St. Walloper’s Primary School and many points in between. In one moment, which Tam Cowan refers to a twist better than in the film The Sixth Sense, the reaction from the audience was probably the loudest and least-expected outburst of laughter I’ve ever heard in a theatre. It had the rafters rumbling.
Given how tumultuous this season has been for the Celtic-minded of all ages, ‘CELTIC DA’S’ is undoubtedly one of its few highlights and guaranteed to provide some much-needed comic relief.
The Shamrock rating: 8/10
The Celtic Da’s are coming to:
- Airdrie Town Hall – Sunday 19th April 2026
- Hamilton Town House – Wednesday 29th April 2026
- Cumbernauld Lanternhouse Arts – Sunday 3rd May 2026
- Dumfries Theatre Royal – Friday 4th September 2026
- Arbroath Webster Memorial Theatre – Friday 4th June 2027
More details and ticket bookings here: https://raymondmearns.co.uk/celticdas/
Watch the ACSOM interview with Phil Differ and Raymond Mearns here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1M8OjiyffA
The Shamrock, Celtic retro fanzine, available here:
the shamrock 